Mistreatment and abuse can appear in many different forms – from physical, sexual, verbal, stalking, or emotional / psychological.
Oftentimes, at the beginning of a relationship, abusive tendencies may not be easily identifiable or occur immediately. A relationship becomes emotionally abusive when the pattern occurs repeatedly over time with abusive words and belittling behavior. This form of abuse does not only pertain to partners, but it can also come from employers, co-workers, family, and friends.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, intimate partner victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior and in the United States, more than 10 million adults experience domestic violence annually. The Center for Disease Control also reports that 41% of women and 26% of men have experienced physical or sexual violence, or stalking, by a partner in their lifetime.
Some signs of emotional abuse in a relationship from a partner can include, but are not limited to:
- Gaslighting: Lying to manipulate and control the person and the relationship. Gaslighting behavior can be divided into four categories: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating, and coercion.
- Invading feelings, thoughts, or boundaries
- Controlling what you say, wear, or your decisions
- Using information they know about you against you
- Guilt-tripping, blame-shifting or playing the victim
- Stalking
- Excessive jealousy
- Humiliation, belittling, shaming and criticism
- Isolating you from family, friends or support systems
- Sabotage
- Name Calling
- Yelling and Screaming
- Neglect: Silent treatment or withholding affection to punish
- Threatening you, themselves, things or people you care about (verbally or nonverbally)
- Monitoring: Frequently checking your activities and communications
- Property damage
- Withholding your access to money or work, or stealing
Emotional abuse is much more common than physical abuse, but if not intervened with, it can escalate into physical or other forms of abuse.
The effects of emotional abuse result in a large decline in mental health. The effects often include increased symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression and feelings of fear, confusion, sadness, guilt, hopelessness and shame.
If you believe you or someone you know could be experiencing emotional abuse, there are several options to turn that can help:
- Reach out to someone. Fear of speaking about the situation is often a result of emotional or physical abuse due to different circumstances such as remaining in the relationship due to financial instability, receiving threats from the abuser, lack of family or community support, and lack of self-esteem and not believing you deserve better in a situation. Speak to someone you trust and build a network of support that will serve to protect you against your abuser.
- Create a safety plan. In the event the patterns of emotional abuse escalate, be prepared financially and with a safe place to leave to and remain. Have a list of emergency contacts saved or put in a safe place.
- Speak to a mental health professional. Working with a counselor in individual or group therapy will help you reduce mental health symptoms, increase your confidence, and navigate this situation with ongoing support and guidance.
- Legal Advice. You may need legal assistance for a protection order or custody issues.
- Join a community for support and resources. This will help you recognize you are not alone in this situation. Consider attending a support group online or in-person for victims, friends or family of abuse survivors.
- Have Hope. Relationships can, and should be, healthy, respectful and nonviolent. This experience can be temporary and receiving support is necessary to help you experience a healthier relationship.
Additional Resources:
- Click here to take the certified Emotional Abuse Questionnaire
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-SAFE (7233), text “start” at 88788, or chat here.
- Crisis Text Line – Text 741741
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incense National Network) – 800-656-HOPE (4673)
- Low cost legal services for those in 17 Florida counties – https://www.trls.org/Domestic-Violence/
- Local shelter or support group in Gainesville, Florida: Peaceful Paths https://www.peacefulpaths.org/
Written by Becca Hart, LMHC and Valerie Izqueirdo, B.S. at Sage Wellness, a mental health counseling office in Gainesville, FL, providing exceptional therapy services for Florida residents, ages preteens and older.