Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can be a difficult and emotionally taxing experience. Eating disorders, such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder, and avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) often stem from deeper issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, and trauma. These disorders not only affect a person’s physical health but also their mental well-being, relationships, and overall quality of life. If you are trying to support someone you care about through their struggle with an eating disorder, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding.
Educate Yourself About Eating Disorders
Understanding what your loved one is going through is a critical first step. Eating disorders are complex conditions that are often about more than just food. Familiarizing yourself with these disorders will help you offer better support and avoid common misconceptions. The National Eating Disorders Association- NEDA is a great place for further information about symptoms, disorders, and finding help.
Adopt Neutral Language
Avoid focusing on their appearance or eating habits, as this can increase their anxiety and stress, which often contributes to the disorder. Food neutrality embraces the understanding that food does not contain an intrinsic moral value. Avoid terms like ‘healthy/unhealthy food’ – ‘good’ and ‘bad’ – ‘junk food.’ Additionally, there is no need to comment on your loved one’s body, even if you are attempting to give a compliment.
Approach the topic of their eating disorder with sensitivity, and try not to impose guilt or blame. Express your concern in a compassionate way, emphasizing that you care about their well-being and are there to help them. Eating disorders often thrive in environments where shame and judgment are present. It’s important to create a safe, non-judgmental space for your loved one to express their feelings and struggles.
Encourage Professional Counseling
While your support is invaluable, it’s crucial for your loved one to seek professional help. Therapy is an essential part of the recovery process. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and trauma processing can help individuals address the underlying emotional triggers of their eating disorder and develop healthier coping strategies. Encourage your loved one to speak with a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. Your loved one may also benefit from seeing an eating disorder informed dietician or nutritionist.
The Problem with Most Therapy Options
Foster Healthy Relationships
Eating disorders can have a significant impact on relationships. Much of our time is spent in community can center around food. Connection is often fostered through shared meals, gift giving, and even cooking together. A person struggling with an eating disorder can often feel isolated, cut off from others, and may even push loved ones away due to feelings of shame, guilt, or fear of judgement in these settings. It’s important to nurture the relationship by continuing to show care and concern without pressuring them. Small gestures of support – such as spending time together doing different types of activities or in different settings, offering encouragement throughout the day, and asking what support they need can help rebuild trust and strengthen the bond.
However, it’s important to set boundaries as well. Supporting someone with an eating disorder does not mean enabling harmful behaviors. Encouraging recovery and promoting self-care is essential, but be mindful not to push your loved one too hard. Let them take the lead in their recovery, and avoid making their eating disorder the sole focus of your relationship.
Break Free From Diet Culture
One of the best ways to support a loved one is to confront and reject diet culture yourself! This involves reshaping how you view food, your body, and your self-worth. One of the first steps is to reject the notion that there is a “perfect” body or a one-size-fits-all approach to health. Healthy living is not about achieving a specific weight or body type but rather about nurturing your body in ways that promote long-term well-being.
- Enjoy food as nourishment and practice mindful eating
- Try listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues rather than relying on external rules or restrictions
- Diversify the messages you consume: follow body-positive influencers and check out books like ‘Your Body is Not an Apology’ by Sonya Renee Taylor or ‘Befriending Your Body’ by Ann Saffi Biasetti
- Become familiar with ‘Health at Every Size’ principles
Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder is challenging, but your support can make a meaningful difference in their journey to recovery. By educating yourself, encouraging professional therapy, creating a non-judgmental environment, and resisting diet culture, you can help your loved one navigate the emotional complexities of their disorder. Remember that recovery is a gradual process, and maintaining patience and empathy is crucial. With your help, your loved one can find the support and strength they need to heal and thrive.
Written by Rebecca Hart, LHMC, a Counselor at Sage Wellness in 2025